a sweet life

A friend recently told me my life is sweet. I had to pause and think it over. In the day to day, I don't usually notice this sweet quality in my circumstances. I most often see my struggles, and those little things that I'm trying to change or improve. I tend to experience the beauty of my life with half-sight, like I am missing an eye. I see it, but half of the picture is invisible. But when I step back away from thinking about the struggles, I do see where my life is rosy, with little ones to hold and love and days filled up with sharing their adventures. Where my little family is so happy and whole, and we are secure in our love for each other. Where we see God's provision with each step and His foresight as we look back from where we came.

I am trying to make this a habit: dwelling most on what is g o o d and beautiful in my days. These days are going to pass before I know it, and I won't have them back. So while there is hard work, children who can be naughty or difficult, ever-multiplying messes, illnesses and teething, sleepless nights, tight schedules to keep, and unforeseen challenges in every new day, there will still be an overarching beauty in this little life of mine. If I ignore that, what a waste of the gift. 

I need reminders. I need to be in the truth regularly, or envy can creep in. I have a degree in English Literature—I wanted to be an author by now. I wanted to write and illustrate my own children's books or have a novel published. When I see my peers succeeding in their fields, I am happy for them, but it's also a blunt reminder that I chose a domestic life and put professional dreams on pause. I chose a job that I love but which doesn't involve those dreams. A job that is filled with joy and gives me the gift of being with my son, but is only tied to the dream of motherhood, not the storyteller's dream. 

But who am I to look at my life and say in my heart that I'm not where I should be? I know I am exactly where I should be in this season. And I want to be all here. I want to go into each new morning with the belief that it is full of potential. 

Making this mental decision also makes my days more creative--what do you know!? When I'm content in life, the writer in me is awake, and ideas simmer at the surface. Being with children all day has to be more inspiring than if I was in meetings or doing bureaucratic paperwork all day in an office. I get hugs and tiny laughter and toddler talk and walks outside and days that fly by instead of ticking slowly by. I get to comfort hurts. I get to be a teacher. I get to witness the wonder of each new discovery these new ones make, making me appreciate little things I could take for granted: rain, tiny ant hills, birds, squirrels, pine cones, flowers, bumblebees. I'm with little kindred spirits all day long. How very sweet my life is.