today {memoir}

A short (2-hour) workday meant a slow and enjoyable morning, and a free afternoon to share with my tiny human. He awoke from his nap and it was raining and he was grumpy and we snuggled in my bed for at least thirty minutes while he was waking up, and he let me stroke his hair and he touched my cheek and gave me kisses like I'm his only love. When he perked up we bounced on the bed and he giggled and I tickled him and asked him to make every animal noise I could think of, but he mainly wanted to growl like a tiger, and I let him. When daddy got home we went downtown to the diner for fried pickles and a burger and beef stroganoff, and Roger screamed and cried when we made him wait to eat his fried pickle spear because he couldn't understand how hot it was. So we let him hold one and he dropped it and said "hot" like he realized we weren't just being mean but then he wasn't sure it would cool down so he cried some more, and then when he finally got a bite, the pickle slid out and he was scared of the strange green tongue sticking out of it that he didn't expect in these weird too-hot French fries. Then he ate my stroganoff with me and stuck his fingers in my ice water, and we went home and I was overcome with how amazing it feels to be his mother and I scooped him up and told him so and tickled him until I thought better of so much roughhousing so near to bedtime. Then I asked him where his belly was, and his ears, and hair, and eyes, and toes, and fingers, and I laughed and clapped when he knew them all, even his chin. And daddy swept him off to read books and pray and sing and go to bed with his array of stuffed animals and his favorite blanket, and I didn't hear him make a sound when David came out and closed his door because he was probably lying there under his blanket, hugging his buddies, going right to sleep.

This is it. This is the golden era. This is where I want to be. This is my perfect life, fully saturated in what it should have, lacking nothing. This is the fullness of the present that is elusive if not sought, invisible if not looked for. This day has been my reminder of  Providence. Of the adequacy of how much I have and the vanity of what I have not. For right now, in this God-ordained moment, I am fully blessed. Why should I allow my heart to want something else, when I trust the One who has me in His hands and is giving me what I need for each day, and nothing more. So I will eat my manna and praise Him. I will remind my fickle heart to slow down and see what is right before me.